I had been harbouring the past for a little too long for my liking, and I believe that most people would understand this with little difficulty, as ate away at my present, the very gift I have been given every single second of my life.
Sometimes we try moving on, but I guess that one thing that holds us back is fear. Slightly delusional imagining the past much better than it perhaps had really been, and worried that the future would be bleaker than what we really could create.
Today, I found my love again for real.
I have always been very insistent that people take up what they really like, for there is no other way to succeed, or at the very least, be happy. There is just no point in going for a conventional ‘stable’ job when you can measure out your liking for it in teaspoons and number of nods in the classes you actually do bother to attend. Of course, I do understand that not everyone would do that. There are some who are exceedingly faithful students and it saddens me to watch them end up mediocrely, especially if they could have succeeded in some other field where their heart was. Besides that, I have heard of the other so-called obligations of parents, and perhaps, the matter of wages. The latter, being much simpler, disgusts me (even if you call yourselves ‘realistic’ and whatsoever excuses you give for spending a lifetime seeking for bags of cold, hard gold instead of living in the spirit of passion and contributing to the world.) I outrightly say that it disgusts me. Realism hardly even exists; and ‘being realistic’ is just a socially accepted form of being pessimistic. As for the formal, the ‘parent problem’, well, lets just say that for love, we would do anything, wouldn’t we? Find a way, persuade them, and even at times, insist. It is, after all, your life. They aren’t going to be the ones who would be commuting to and fro to your job; they aren’t going to be the one who’s going to have to stay up late and at odd hours to rush to meet a deadline; they just aren’t going to be the ones who would handle your life. You might be children now, but you are going to have to grow up. If they can’t understand that, help them. But keep your eye on your heart.
This isn’t being rebellious. You still do respect them, you definitely should. But there are just some choices in life which you have to make on your own, and it’s better to start learning how-to now.
Then, make sure you do it well. Show them you could, all along. Or maybe you fall; sometimes, we do. Get back up, always get back up. It’s okay to nurse yourself for a while, but remember to keep faith.
But hey, this post isn’t about you. It’s about me. I had just been in the most passionate class ever. The way the lecturer spoke, and maybe it was just me (although I highly doubt it), I hung on to every word. Every word rumbled through my mind like church bells through an entire town. Every sentence made sense, and the things he talked about stirred something inside me that pulled and it was my heart speaking to my mind: I want to learn to do that. Or even just a simple slight lose of breath, and I wonder on the surface if I could ever do that, but inside of me, I want to. I want to so badly. And I want to read every book, watch every movie, caress every filming gear... I just want to live! And I’m so in awe.
And he read my name out correctly, which was a plus. Man, am I so infatuated!
For a gratifying change, this was all I thought about while I was in the shower just a while ago.
It doesn’t feel as cheesy as heaven, but it feels really really great.
|walking back, the sun a sheen on the streets.|