Monday, March 26, 2012

sitting in the sun

doing absolutely nothing at all.

Sunny days in the UK are sacred things. Thus, when we do get them, it seems like the entire population evacuate out onto the lawns, finding the brightest spot possible.

I had almost given up hope that anyone was going out there to join me, and had even dismally thought I would just let this opportunity go and stay indoors to edit photos, but then my floor-mates mentioned that they were outside. So out I went, in single-layered clothing, to join them.
boys playing ball and frisbee.

surprisingly, perhaps, these are not mine ;)
mixing colours.
boys on the barbecue pit.
blue tongue.

I think the sun here automatically makes everyone happier. Despite the number of hours of sleep I'd actually got last night, I was surprisingly awake today -and even enjoyed the film in screening called 'Blow Up'. Plus, I've got my assignments done and handed in!

Perhaps, the only thing I am even more grateful for is my friends' willingness to allow me to photograph them. You're awesome, girls! xx

Sunday, March 18, 2012


You can breathe me in,
but find my eyes and promise
you won’t breathe me out.
–Tyler Knott

  Her home is an exhibition she has lent the world to see. Dappled with lines and colours of varying shades, these flattened trees are pricked into the walls. The air she lives in sways with the gentle breeze of silent but present love.

  They trudge, they stroll, they tiptoe through her rooms. Some with eyes stretched wide, others glassed over with their own knowing, they gather up her creations while at the same time, leaving them behind. She smiles gently at each and says ‘thanks for coming.’ (sometimes she feels like they aren’t even aware that she lives there.)

  At some point or other, they turn to her. They know that when they leave, they will speak of her. But only he asks, ‘you created them all yourself?’ Startled, she whirls around.

  She is familiar with the creaks and corners of her own, but these new rays flood her irises and suddenly she sees through all that into his. His exhibit. There’s a pretty row of strong porcelain white as she receives his first smile. 

  Then he leaves. But she knows he will be back. He will be back when the hands of summer reach into that space of hers through the patterned window.


So I finally found a suitable theme for my portfolio site! Which makes me rather excited right now.

Check it out, wouldn't you?

Friday, March 16, 2012

thoughts on religion.

  A few days ago, there were posters put up for a new play in the film theatre. I didn’t think much of it, assuming that it was just another new film when I walked past them. But then when my friend casually told me about a play she was planning on going to see and asked if I wanted to go to, seeing how I might be interested, and I thought, why not? So at around seven ten, we left and hurried down, though managing to surround our brisk walk with conversation. The play turned out to be a really good one, although we agreed that the ending was a little abrupt. 

  We were walking back together when we were stopped by a young guy outside the university compound. I remember the world around us bathed in the orange streetlights' colour, as we paused, and he asked us if he could ask us a few questions. My friend replied, ‘No problem,’ and I shrugged, as I wasn’t in a hurry to anywhere. I didn’t quite expect it to take as long as it did though, but in return, I now have material to write about. 

  The ‘few questions’ managed to take up more time than I had expected it to. And I guess that I should have realised what he was going to ask, but I was still surprised all the same when he inquired if we believed in god. It so happened that my friend and I had this conversation before with some other floor mates of ours, so I knew her answer. She replied confidently that she believed in god, but not in religion. He turned to me, and I hesitated. Then I replied in the best way that I could explain what I knew, and said that I believed in god, but not in the way most people would assume it is. He did pause just slightly there, but proceeded to ask more questions in which I can now only sum up as those related to ‘sin’ and ‘heaven and hell’.

  It wasn’t that the questions were difficult ones, –some which were like ‘Can you remember the number of lies you’ve told before,’ to which I replied yes to, for it is true that I can count the number of lies I’ve ever told since I was born. It is the extend to which how highly I think of truth. If you want your truth to be nice, then, I believe, you should have the integrity to live that up. – but yet it wasn’t easy for me to reply, if I were to truly say what I honestly meant. Of course it wasn’t! How were you to truly lay out all the beliefs of your life  to someone you’d just met a minute ago. And it wasn’t a matter of the fear of being judge as it was more a matter of time and degrees of understanding. However, it did get my engine for thoughts started; and thinking about it, I realised that the word to put to it is that religious people tend to believe in things too literally. 

“Metaphors are a way to help our minds process the unprocessible. The problem arise when we begin to believe literally in our own metaphor.”
– ‘The Da Vinci Code’ by Dan Brown

  The guy talked like god was a ‘thing’, some ‘shape’ that existed out there, when it is energy, just with a different name. That which cannot be created nor destroyed, has always been and always will be. ‘God’ is just another label for it, capped on by people -not that there’s anything wrong in doing that, for even languages are created with labels. The dog we see there isn’t really the ‘dog’ as the word is, it is a sculpture of matter. And in another language, there would be another word labeling that living sculpture. 
  Then he spoke of those famous places: heaven and hell. And like so many do, he spoke of them as if they were actual places, with land and clouds and grass and wind. Or the fire pit, maybe, if you were speaking of that hell. These had me confused for many years since I first heard of it, until reading something caused an epiphany. Heaven and hell aren’t ‘real physical places’, they are state of minds, feelings. When you are feeling great, you are in heaven, and vice versa. Or perhaps, it should be said that they aren’t places at all, for has it not been said that one of the only things we can be certain of is that we will all end up dead? And as state of minds flow along with time, ‘heaven and hell‘ are journeys. Paths which you are given the freedom to choose as long as you take control of your mind.
  Sin, is defined by the dictionary as ‘an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law'. I believe that it is generally seen as something terrible bad to most people, and for this, I would say that it is right for people to avoid it even though it in itself is of some neutrality. Committing sins is when you send out unpleasant vibrations causing destruction. And working with the law of attraction, you receive what you send out and would thus attract its like back.

 As for religion, 
“ ‘Religion is like language or dress. We gravitate toward the practices with which we were raised. In the end, though, we are all proclaiming the same thing. That life has meaning. That we are grateful for the power that created us.’
  Langdon was intrigued. ‘So you’re saying that whether you are a Christian or a Muslim simply depends on where you were born?’ 
  ‘Isn’t it obvious? Look at the diffusion of religion around the globe.’
  ‘So faith is random?’
  ‘Hardly. Faith is universal. Our specific methods for understanding it are arbitrary. Some of us pray to Jesus, some of us go to Mecca, some of us study subatomic particles. In the end, we are all just searching for truth, that which is greater than ourselves.’ ” 
– ‘Angels and Demons’ by Dan Brown

  It should be noted that I am not condemning any religion specifically, but in fact embracing all of that into a much bigger truth. It is alright if a religion is truly like a language or a dress, but it is not when people start going against each others who ‘dress differently’. When that happens, when tyrants try to control people, those minds have lost the real essence. The distinction between a tyrant and a leader is that a leader leads, helps others in understanding, whereas a tyrant would create fear in order to force rules and laws upon the mass. 

  You see how the phrase ‘if you don’t believe in Jesus, you’ll go to hell’ or others which are used in trying to persuade people to join a particular religion, has been so wrongly interpreted. As it has been said above, hell is a state of mind. This universe is governed by natural laws, many which still remains unknown to the mass population perhaps apart from the single ‘law of gravity’. What those phrases actually truly mean are if you’re ignorant towards those rules, you’ll probably suffer as a consequence, as you would then be allowing the outer world and its circumstances to drag you by a collar, with things happening in seemingly arbitrary ways. 

  But I don’t believe in deploying fear to force people listen to you, because how would you learn that way? Oh people, learn and obtain understanding for life would then be so much more magnificent.

“God is not some omnipotent authority looking down from above, threatening to throw us into a pit of fire if we disobey. God is the energy that flows through the synapsis of our nervous system and the chambers of our heart! God is in all things!”
– ‘Angels and Demons’ by Dan Brown

ps. I do not claim to be an expert, but I’ve collected my understanding over the time of several years, from various sources (not just the Dan Brown books as it may appear so. It just so happened that those had the right words.), and so up till now, I would believe these to be true.

And I realised that I should also add that I do not think badly of that guy who asked to question us. He did what he knew was best then, and he was indeed a polite young man and all, and I do not have anything against him. I would say that I'm talking more about the whole concept.

Friday, March 9, 2012

walking shower.

Somehow, I had for some reason chose to buy myself a coat without a hood in this land famed for its erratic rainy days. To save money in compensation for all the other things I had spent money on, I hard-headedly chose to walk home when the rain dripped from its heavens. 
Every now and then, I would catch sight of  bits of my reflection in shop windows; which prompted an image of a miserably wet cat fresh from a bath owners usually somewhat sadistically decide to force upon the feline creature. You know, those flattened clumps of grey fur, either sticking pitifully or standing hilariously from its tiny body.

And crazy as this sounds, rather than cursing at the skies for opening, with each step, I was actually grinning inside to myself, straining to imagine that very picture. 
You see, because when I want it to be dry, it would stay dry for me. But once in a while when the asking slips my mind, it gives me a story to tell instead.

I've also decided to choose to be happy no matter what, and the days are just so good, whether on my own or with others. It's really aligning with the vibration which you want, and the law of attraction just does what it does, and it gets easier to hold that frequency.
However, once in a while when I get upset, I draw or create art instead.


Sunday, March 4, 2012


  She had been without the sun for so long it's like she has almost forgotten its touch on her skin. That heat which used to seeped right in, was replaced by a penetrating cold for months. Somewhere along, she'd lost how it was to enjoy those cool breezes like she always had before, and now, far too willingly welcomed back these rare days of spreaded light and warmth.

  These contrast of events reminded her of those extensive days of longing -of things she once had as well as those she'd yet to gain. That deep monster of a feeling which swallowed your smiles while it rocked your physique with ache. The clouds moved in and shrouded her retina, and all that made sense was to curl up in a ball and sit in the corner for the world then was far too big and fearful.

  Sometimes the sun peeked in and she relished in that. There were also days where she would suddenly realise that she had forgotten to draw the curtains, and when she did so, found herself delighted by the effulgent world beyond the glass. The light which brought out all the colours; mostly it was the colours, which screamed like a best friend would as an invitation to join him/her in both of your favourite game. To her, they hollered to be a moment preserved as a picture and later, shared.

  It wasn't till recently when she realised something. She realised how constantly thankful she would be with the appearance of the sun, and how if it was momentarily concealed from where she stood, she would only wish for its return but not dwell on the murky grey clouds which took over. And she knew that was an epiphany.


Saturday, March 3, 2012

finding spring.

i will run alongside the spirit of the universe and follow the calling of only my heart. i will have everything and nothing, and i will be free.
live inspired. ♥
– Karrah Kobus

My cousin once wrote and shared the paragraph below, and because it's so beautiful as well as inspiring, I thought that it suits the sun-bathed feeling of these pictures so I'll share it here:

‎"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.' "
– Kurt Vonnegut

Listen to the man. What is he actually saying? 
He's saying that when the sun is shining on your face, when the cool breeze ruffles your hair and the azure sky reminds you of the infinite possibilities open to you; 
or when you are frolicking with friends, conscious of the exact instant so infused with raw happiness that you can't help but smile from the depths of your being because you realize how rare such opportunities could be; 
or when you read a passage in a book and you realize how unutterably profound it is and you wonder at the intellect that could have produced such beauty; 
or when you feel the controller of your Wii getting balmy from the sweat of your palms because you have been holding it for 2 hours straight, beating the shit out of your friend in some mindless game; 
or when you are simply sitting and staring out the window, a rare moment in your life where your mind is blank and you can fill it with whatever you want:
 well, think about those moments, consciously think about them, for in them you were happy, and content, and they may or may not come again, but at least you were aware of them, 
and although the totality of your existence is not the sum of those moments, 
they are, however, part of the kaleidoscope of your experiences, and thinking about them puts markers on your journey, 
where the markers proclaim: "I was here, I was happy, I would have stayed longer, but this marks my place on this road, and I can come back whenever I want to."

I hope that you are all living your lives out :)

*Thanks to the lovely Caitlin for joining me on our little photoshoot run and being so amazing!

Thursday, March 1, 2012


“She was like that, excited and delighted by little things, crossing her fingers before any remotely unpredictable event, like tasting a new flavor of ice-cream, or dropping a letter in a mailbox. It was a quality he did not understand. It made him feel stupid, as if the world contained hidden wonders he could not anticipate, or see.”
– “Interpreter of Maladies” by Jhumpa Lahiri

  I guess I'd never thought about that before I read that in Jhumpa Lahiri's book we had for English...