Friday, December 20, 2013

This is not how I'd imagined I would begin my holidays.

There were wild dogs in my mind. I tried to hold them in, hoping they would dissolve if they could not escape, but they made their way to my heart and chewed it out. Maybe the corner would work, I thought as I curled myself up tightly but this time they broke my voice as they escaped.


It is tough to remember a time that I've ever belonged. I have spent my life in paradoxes; what I believe I am isn't always what others are able to see in a glance. The most I've ever had was love; love for the things I do, love for myself when I don't forget, love for those I chose and were destined to love. Sometimes they try to place me like a game piece on the wrong square of a board of a game I'm not willing to play and I'm not always so sure of how to leave politely.

I'm not even sure of what I'm trying to say here anymore. I was thinking about these in the shower (like I always do. Think of stuff, that is. Not just this.) and told myself that even if it wasn't so positive, at least I would try writing something coherent. But well, I've been fighting against stereotypes my whole life until I realised that I could settle into something more natural. These days I sometimes feel like I've aged a hundred years and I don't really want to fight anymore, just to slip into me is all I'm asking for.

Joy, is feeling the scattering of light all over you.

The first semester of my last year in university made me feel like fruit packed solidly into a jam bottle. It was good in its way, me trying to balance everything I wanted with these two arms of mine, but there were times when I was stressed out of my mind. For some odd reason, I built those up inside of me without releasing them through some creative outlet like I used to do, so when they did make their way out, it was in pipe bursts. 

Anyway, I have decided to join the #Flickr12Day contest just to have a creative photo project of my own again. I am going to take a photo a day, each exploring the ways to express and/or portray joy. Wenkai modelled for me in my first one (the reason there are two not just one photo here is because I couldn't decide which conveyed joy better). 

On Flickr: 1, 2.

And here's an instagram photo to put you in the festive mood! 

I hope your holidays are wonderful!


Saturday, November 2, 2013

this city

It's autumn here now, and I took these photos about a week ago, but they look more like winter streets than the usual fiery autumn ones. 

I've been busy with life. It's my final year in university and I have a dissertation to research and write as well as a short film project to shoot, alongside many other things life brings. Through one season, I felt like I had gone through several; being really happy for getting something I earned and having wanted really badly then losing it at the last minute. I told myself it was okay, everyone told me it was okay, that these things happen even though I deserve it, but there reached a point where I felt like I'd lost it all. Then I never wanted to talk about it again and decided to focus on what I have to do for now, and so threw myself back into doing my best for uni work, which I reminded myself was what I'd chosen in the beginning anyway. 

It's a funny way opportunities work. After I'd gone on with life, someone I knew sent me a message to offer me a job. I took it up and despite it being sometimes less than what I would actually want, the flexibility serves me well. Stepping stones, I tell myself what it is. A stepping stone. 

Sometimes I wonder if I'd grown a few more arms, all of which are whirling with their own respective business. I don't know if I'm any good at juggling, but I am willing to do because I need all of these in my life right now.

ps. I haven't been writing much lately, nor have I had the time to read books outside of academic ones, but the academic readings are good and stimulating, and I have been taking so much more photos again so that's nice. I will also have to make time to write to all those people whom I haven't yet replied to. 

Hope you are all well.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

lost in flowers

Model: Emma-Louise McCoubrey
Styling: Model's own
Photos taken and edited by Yi Lin T. 

Monday, September 23, 2013

before I see you again (journal entry)

If it has to come to this, here's the challenge: be honest, be real, be true; even if just to yourself.


We lie on our own beds, a few thousand miles away in physical distance (although to me there's only you being next to me and you being not, so it's the same even if you were just half a mile away and out of my sight), covered with out blankets of steady love but hugging onto lovesickness. It's been so long, so very long, but the days do pass and the one I've been waiting on all summer is nearing and we'd be in each other's arms again. My heart aches so much for that, that it cries out with each of its little pump.

Soon, love. Soon.

I love that when you couldn't sleep and wanted someone to talk to, you came to me. I mean, they'd all say of course you would come to me, who else? But it still feels so nice that you did (do).

The conversation's different coz we're drunk on sleepiness, so it's an extension of repeated "I love you's" and multiple hearts. Still, it's good. But the love and missing all well up in me, all at once, and I cry. Not in the way I sometimes now do, out of worry or hopelessness, but this is an overflow of the love in my chest, of all I feel for you.

Even the simple tenderness of "Can't sleep love". It's the 'love' that gets to me. The very essence of what we are to one another.

Love is strong. And so are we.


wildly blown leaves as shadows dancing on my bedsheet a few days ago

I want to start taking photos all the time again. I have stopped for far too long, it seems, and I'm scared that I've almost lost touched.

I want to stop trying to tell others that I'm not a perfectionist when I am always so harsh on myself, work-wise, because I only want to create good work. But then maybe that has hindered me from creating and I've decided that I should just go ahead and do, do, do because that way I'll get practice and learn. Flaws are okay; we'll all get better.

And I also want to share photos again. I have months and months of photos as backlog, all hidden in my external hard drive because I never got myself to edit them and wouldn't share them without a bit of post-processing as that is as much as my process of creation as the act of photographing is.
And I didn't realise it in the beginning, but I'm starting to now. That we all lose that sense of excitement in seeing the photos after I drag them out for too long. And so I want to be more efficient. 

Here are some photos from the past few days. They aren't masterpieces, but I guess that's alright for now.

Dinner at Ruth's the night before: her housemates

Ruth on the floor after being attacked

Playing Charades and the opposite team deciding on a word together

Me, acting out for Charades

Yesterday, one of my closest friends participated in her first marathon. I woke up insanely early to go and support her before she ran, and even though my heavy eyes told me to go back to sleep, I made myself get up knowing that had it been me, she would've done the same. 

She did really well in the marathon, and we were all so proud of her. I came home after a short while though, and had a nap to compensate for my loss of sleep. 

When the race started, Min Fern, Henry, Jacqueline and I decided to go to St. Georges market considering that we were already in the city centre. We wandered around the stalls, peering at some of the little antiquities that were being sold there.
We then took a seat at one of the tables in the middle of the market. Min Fern got up from her seat, telling us that she was going to get something which we'd assumed was some food, only to return with an oreo cupcake she'd seen earlier for Henry. Seeing both their faces light up was priceless; it was the sweetest moment. 

This was the moon a night before it was full, from the skylight in my bedroom. The moon could bring up so many representations to mind, but most of the time I just stare at it and marvel at its glow. 

Thursday, August 29, 2013

the way I feel about places

doodles in my journal, just to have a photo in this post :)

These days are busy busy busy and it's exhausting but I like it. Maybe I exaggerate a little, it's just that I have task after task to keep me constantly heading forward, one day at a time, and it's definitely better than a slow drag of nothingness.

I can't imagine why anyone would be interested in my daily life anymore, apart from those closest to me, but I felt like blogging and thought that I would. I have a few things to tell you about anyway.

I visited Wenkai in early August. My family made a trip down south despite my dad saying earlier that I wasn't allowed to travel anywhere because I hadn't gotten a job; which I thought was fair enough yet didn't stop me from being completely miserable because of it. I have a thing with places these days. I can't seem to stay in one place for too long because I notice the way the surroundings shape themselves so much more than I used to. Returning is fine, that constant moving is good for me because I get to see things at least slightly differently. And since getting to know him, I've noticed my perception of certain things change as well.

He drove me around his city, and we didn't always past by the places I'd been, but as I stared out the window from the passenger's seat, there were the occasional glimpses of familiarity. I realise that I don't fight against feelings so much anymore. I am more accepting in ways that only I could recognise, but then this came with a sense of lost. Where I once stood on firm ground of knowing where I thought I belonged shifted, and I found myself nowhere.

I guess I'll learn to get use to this constantly arising sense of lost and remind myself that we never eveer stay in one place so it's okay, we're just moving. I'd wanted to write more about my visit, but I guess this post worked out this way and what's relevant has been said so I'll leave this as it is for now. I can't put my whole life here anyway, and the actual experience always has so much more weight than words strung together. But I had a great time. I couldn't not have, it was with him.


Wednesday, August 28, 2013

if i were to ever give advice on love

Don't you want to be that if they picked you, it'll be the best choice they'd ever made?

In love and in work; anything really. That is why you have to be the best version of yourself first. Stop looking for the perfect one and start being the perfect one yourself.

Friday, August 2, 2013

magazine feature

I've got more to say, but right now, I thought I would share this. I know it's been a few months, but a few of my instagram photos were featured in Atlas Magazine! I've never been a big fan of phone photography, however I'll admit that it is convenient and I put the love for photography over equipment anyway. 

The starred ones are mine.  And while you're at it, check out Atlas magazine's issues -they have pretty cool stuff in there! 


Saturday, July 20, 2013


Looking at this photo always makes me really happy in the easiest way possible. 

The other night, staring into the mirror at the reflection of my glossed lips, I was reminded of the way you would always steal the lipgloss off my lips. And when I grumbled, you'd just say thank you for saving you the trouble of moisturising them yourself. I still love you ;) 

I miss you, love. 

charm bracelets

I've been bored and I've been busy, and I'm pretty sure I prefer busy. The momentum of purpose is so much better than the restlessness of waiting around, waiting for time to pass so that one can arrive in a better one, which essentially is silly because all of this time is a part of our lives too.

But anyway, I've been meeting up and spending time with old friends lately. Sleepovers, choosing charms for a friendship bracelet, visiting our primary school, laughing over silly arguments over supper, then coming home only to have to wake up before eight in the morning to meet-up with another group. Yesterday I got a day's break in which I spent sleepy-eyed on the floor, trying to read but eventually trading in the words for an afternoon nap. 

Here are a few photos I took.

Preparing a very late lunch which was only ready at four in the afternoon.

Having Indian supper with primary school friends.