penang.

I return at last, to this sweet little town, with new eyes. When you've lived in the same town all your life, everywhere you turn is familiarity. And sadly, as human nature, we tend to take them for-granted.

As a photographer, you cannot photograph a flat world with bored eyes. I guess that this is the reason why I can picture myself traveling for the rest of my life, even though I've never been a fan of flights on planes. You visit new places, and seeing things as a tourist, this allows you to capture all the little details that locals no longer notice. Like in Belfast, when I pointed out once to a local about how I like it that they did not cover up the red-bricked walls with plaster and paint, she remarked a little astonish-ly that she had never really noticed that. 

However, the perks of traveling does not end there. Coming home after living in a different place as a different world, you suddenly notice the little things you had once perhaps, overlooked. Suddenly, Asia looked so interesting, when I had once wondered what Westerners found so fascinating about. Every little creak, every little flaw and scratch; they all made for art and pictures. 

I've been all about trying to fill myself up Asian food, hoping that by the time it's time to return to the UK, I'll be a full of that and will want to eat Western food again. Having said that, this has made me realise again how much lower the prices of food here were compared to that in the UK. Where in the world could you get a drink for less than 30p? 

However, I did come to recognise that perhaps, their quality differed too. This time though, I see how the people here seem to be able to live on less. Maybe the standard of living here is lower, but I don't think we all need to live high lives, do we? More importantly, what we need is purpose in our lives and happiness, and pride that we have lived well.

I am glad I went though. That I went after my dreams. They gave me so much to learn from, to grow with. I would've never been the same if I had not gone through that. But I'm also glad that I came home to visit. It's amazing how I see things crystal clear.     

Ever sends love. We'll always be grateful. 

And kind, to this life, this world, and especially, to those around us.

:)

night drive.

say you won’t forget and i’ll be okay

at least tonight

it’s just you and me and honestly

that’s everything i need

*pictures from the drive back along the highway.

those feelings.

I remember every sunset, I remember every word you said

We were never going to say goodbye

It has been raining ever since I got back. It would most probably be toaster-hot here if it weren't for those heavenly drops, therefore there are no complaints. Besides, I mostly stay within the roof of my home all day.

I think I now get what it means to be inspired by your childhood. So many things here remind me of the younger me whose head was filled with dreams which she wore on proudly despite it being an oversized coat. Everything brings back feelings, and it is almost like I've never been gone. It's a little hard not to be motivated. I haven't been quite so inspired in a long while.

Now excuse me while I go work on those impulses. ;)

life after you.

I think I'd thought that I'd be so much worse off, maybe I'd thought that it wouldn't be worth living. So it has surprised me that I'm okay. I'm actually okay. 

[fiction]

because I do miss you. 

the return.

It's been a little too long, and my passion's gone away. I don't know how I let it slipped away; all I know is I took my eyes off it for a little while and when I turned back, it just wasn't there.


I've returned home, and oddly, it had been harder than leaving. When I left, I think I knew deep down inside that home will always be here, that it would stay, and that I could return to it anytime and things would still be the same. In most ways, it is.

But leaving, leaving the place which I had created stories of my life in those very eight months, that was hard. My friend, Valentine, pointed out to us: You see how it took us only one time to say 'hello', but we've been saying goodbye for two weeks now. The final gathering a week before our exams, the trip right after our exams, a last meeting...

Those two sweet little pretty weeks...

I'm still a little torn inside. Being back here, where everything's so familiar, yet... It's like they say,

"It's a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what's changed, is you."

— Eric Roth 

I hang around, and these old walls breathe and whisper to me, reminding me of the dreams the younger me had. The feelings she once felt. And I feel them again.

But those were her dreams. They can't be mine anymore, for I've reached them. Now when I lie down in bed and close my eyes, instead of the dreams that I had once filled my mine with, they're now memories. And I reach out, though I can't grab hold of them, I can taste them on the tip of my tongue.

I know I'm living through memories, which means that I'm living in the past. Have been ever since I caught that cab which took me to the airport. I sat down in the departure lounge thinking of you. All of you, and you.

I remember everything. I don't want to ever forget. I only hope that it meant something to you too, and sometimes I wonder if you miss me. I know it probably wasn't the best, but it was still something.

I listen to all the songs, Lighters, especially, over and over again. Living in the past makes me miserable, but deep down inside, I know it will past, but it's just not time yet when I still want to remember.

To help, I think I'm going to escape again. The only way I know -through books. Bury myself between all those pages in this quiet little town. I even almost didn't quite know how to do that again.


Maybe I've come home to find myself again.

"The hardest part of ending is starting again."

— Linkin Park 

"I do believe in true love. But I also deeply believe in the complexity, diversity, and downright insanity of love. A lucky person loves hundreds of people in their lives, all in different ways, family love, friendship love, romantic love, all in so many shades and depths. I don’t think you lose your ability-or right-to have true love by loving more than one person. In part, this is true because you never love two people the same way. Another part is that, if you’re lucky, you learn to love better with practice. The bottom line is that you have to choose who you are going to commit to-that’s the foundation of true love, not a lack of other options." 

— Stephenie Meyer

❤