Saturday, July 20, 2013


Looking at this photo always makes me really happy in the easiest way possible. 

The other night, staring into the mirror at the reflection of my glossed lips, I was reminded of the way you would always steal the lipgloss off my lips. And when I grumbled, you'd just say thank you for saving you the trouble of moisturising them yourself. I still love you ;) 

I miss you, love. 

charm bracelets

I've been bored and I've been busy, and I'm pretty sure I prefer busy. The momentum of purpose is so much better than the restlessness of waiting around, waiting for time to pass so that one can arrive in a better one, which essentially is silly because all of this time is a part of our lives too.

But anyway, I've been meeting up and spending time with old friends lately. Sleepovers, choosing charms for a friendship bracelet, visiting our primary school, laughing over silly arguments over supper, then coming home only to have to wake up before eight in the morning to meet-up with another group. Yesterday I got a day's break in which I spent sleepy-eyed on the floor, trying to read but eventually trading in the words for an afternoon nap. 

Here are a few photos I took.

Preparing a very late lunch which was only ready at four in the afternoon.

Having Indian supper with primary school friends.


Monday, July 15, 2013

an outpour of recent thoughts

"and I got so backwards, trying to make myself matter all this time... when there were real things to care about: real, good people who care about me and this place. It's so easy to get stuck, you just get caught up in being something, being special, or cool, or whatever, to the point where you don't even know why you need it; you just think you do."


I found this on Mae's wall last year when I visited her and we worked on some song lyrics she was writing. I took a phone-camera photo of it and it kind of just remained there till I found it while going through all my photos this afternoon, so I thought I'd share it here to remind both myself and anyone who needs it. 

I think it's important to realise all the love we have around us, know that there are people who love us and remember that no matter what. I almost talked myself out of documenting life because I pondering on how it reduced the life we live into just that physical leftover, be it a photo or piece of writing; which I thought was a pity for such wholeness to be diminished. I know some people do it out of a fear of fading into oblivion, but really, the universe stretches out endlessly both in terms of space and the concept of time, that it isn't only an inevitability, but perhaps being afraid of 'not being remembered' is the wrong thing to be thinking about. 
However, I was going through my archive of photos a few days ago in search for the best ones to put together some portfolio of sort, and coming across photographs and videos of friends during our gatherings (many which are so much less than perfectly composed that I will never share them publicly) and I just sat there and went through each and every one of them, watched every video. And it just brought so much joy back to me, remembering those times that we had and the love we have for each other like family. And it was then that I realise that I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop documenting even if I wanted to. 

I was telling Wenkai about this because I share as much of myself as I can with him even in the ways that we may be different, and he said, 'Of course you shouldn't stop. One should never stop documenting for it is what makes us human.' I don't know if it is what makes us human, but I do know that I live better when I am consciously in search for things in the present to write or photograph. I don't think I'll even know how to stop. 

As a side note, I am pretty sure that a lot of this thinking arose from the modern art module I took in my second year of university. I was entirely fascinated by the way it could turned all my thinking upside down and still have the world make (even more) sense, but after the module ended and I realised that I could never again think according to conventional formulas, I wondered if it ruined me. Then I realised that I could not, never can I allow anything to ruin me -or rather put the blame on something else that has caused me to grow. Because of that, I have learnt all the more and it will be up to me to make the best use of it. 


Sunday, July 14, 2013

hotel lobby

A few snapshots from this summer holidays

my brother trying to control our dog on a leash

One of the pieces at an art exhibition called 'A town named George'.
(I liked the golden lace)

long chair and camera-shy brother




[Journal entry from yesterday]

It's been a long day for me. I spent three hours baking two large apple crumbles, spending just an hour itself peeling and cutting up fourteen green apples. Then I had my shower, but Wenkai's in Johor for the day at his grandmother's place, so we don't talk much. Today's our fourth month being officially together.

For some reason, I was tugged towards the piano, so I go and play it, the way I do always. That is, only when there's the tug (which doesn't happen much as I'm pretty sure I'm more visually-inclined). I place my hands on the keyboard, and for a moment, these long, fair-skinned fingers look like they belong. I'm convinced it's an illusion, but I go ahead and play. Today, they slide smoothly through the keys, hitting all the right notes, giving me the melody in my head. It feels good. Then I remember I have to prepare the apple crumble before we leave for Aunty Anna's house, so after playing the two same songs I always and only play, I go.