There were so many times I wanted to say sorry; sorry for everything. Like the times I allowed months and more months to crawl by before I manage to send off a reply to the message you wrote me years ago; the times I stood aside and did nothing when all I wanted was everything; the times I wished I'd been able to hold you up when the hurricane danced past and the ground beneath swayed. I'm sorry for not being as happy as often as I wish I could be. And still a thousand more times, but I never did. I never did because apologies have no power in all the other greater things like love.
Love, oh love. What do we know about love. I could write all about it for this entire lifetime and further still, but love isn't about length or quantity. Love is and only can be in the present, this very moment. It is that alignment of energy, what they call peace, harmony, the gentle swoon in your heart when everything feels right. Perhaps it is those times when another speaks the exact same words as you; those times where you discover a part of you in another; those times conversations just go on and on because the interaction feels so good; and also, maybe in those full silences. Something I think I have yet to learn because I still feel the need to fill those hollows between me and another with words and meanings; maybe I'm still too young to sit in silence with another...
This isn't a post of anything but just of me writing. Scratching out the chaos that has been trudging thoughts in my mind of late, when I'd much rather they be light and skip. And if it has been to you that I haven't been writing back to (which I'm also pretty sure it's you, even if we haven't been writing to one another but just of you reading my blog, because I haven't been posting much recently and I'm trying to right that), know that I am deeply sorry and I'm just trying to lean back into the waters of writing and I'll write you a beautiful piece.