Thursday, December 8, 2011


  There is a photo exhibition coming up, organised by the photography society I joined. I had planned to join it, which meant submitting my photos to them, but it got tangled between all the twerps on my to-do list. And not until I saw the final reminder that the secretary put up on the Facebook page, did I really start hunting.

  Hence, I sieved through my collection of photographs, going through folder to folder, trying to find something appropriate, that is, one that isn't a random shot of an object I seized upon from one of my days.
  I don't quite remember how long that process took me, but somewhere in the middle, something came over me. Through flurries and stares, I suddenly wondered what those photographs mean to me, because right then, they were just combinations of spots and colours. Like these words are just swirls of ink on paper. Or lights. Just lights.

  Now if that should continue, there would probably be no more purpose for me in this form. This human form. For it is through these that I live. The art, the taste of these words on my lips, the play of ever changing colours through irises that take them all in, the life around me.

  There are many, who have perhaps yet to comprehend the true meaning of me making the decision to immerse my life in these. Trust me, by the percentage of those to which I have to repeat myself each time (infallibly) when asked about the course I am taking, it's ridiculous. But now, I think it's time I actually shared my reason -not that I had hidden it, but I would perhaps have sounded like I was reciting an essay if I were to explain in all its bits and details in a first meeting.

  Why film studies, you ask? Well, I do say that I chose it because of my love for photography. And yes, the decision was indeed made based on this reason. (I have this crazy filmmaker friend -you know who you are, if you do read this. And no, you're not really crazy, but we do like to annoy the hell out of each other and anyway, I am able to sort of back my argument up. And the word 'crazy' sounds nice here, but yes, I realise that I'm ranting and rumbling away, so ttyl- who told me, 'But film and photography aren't even the same! Videos are able to tell a story, whereas photos are just... still.' Which actually threw me off a bit, but I argued that they're both visual arts. Similar.) However, a few weeks into my course, and I realised an even greater reason.

  In our first lecture, we were introduced to how movies were prepared for the audience, as well as advertisements and such. And we started seeing things differently from the average viewer. Well, it didn't take one class (although there were times when it did. At least for me. Just one class which threw everything into a whole new perspective and how I knew I would and never could see them the same again.), but slowly.
  And if you knew and understand how thought create and can change the world, you would now also understand exactly what I say.
  I wonder how many have been taught or told or realised how the media puts things into our heads. And there couldn't possibly be anything truer than that. I remember being as a child, how my dad would restrict the things I could watch, the things that I read. And that was one of the most fundamental ways of controlling what went into a child's head. For it is the thoughts, repeated over and over again, which create what everyone seems to know as reality, and our external lives (oh yes! What happens inside creates what happens externally. There are these laws of the universe which science discovers and tries to explains. Like how we are all energy in the very basis of our being, thus we vibrate alongside those of the same vibration and so 'attract' what 'we are'. To which I would love elaborate more, if it weren't for the fear of making some minor mistake and result in misunderstanding; so I believe that it would be of advantage to you if you would read up some professional material instead.)

  Well, when you know how important what is put into our heads is, I believe that you can also imagine the significance of the media, especially the mainstream media. With the power to create, you have in your hands a part of influence over the lives of all out there. And that's a huge responsibility, whether most realise it or not.
  A corrupted man may conjure up fears, intentionally misleading others for his own good. And maybe if that is found out, like over the course of our history of society, many might think that they got away with it. But it is highly doubted so. For those people, no matter how seemingly insignificant they are, they make up the world. And how could one live much differently from those around him?

  But it wasn't really of these that I thought of. Quite on the contrary, I realised how I could use this medium to inspire the world. Through it, I could spread understanding. Understanding, which I realised, how crucial it is. With the wisdom of understanding, comes peace. You see, we dislike people for we do not know them. Sometimes, I think that I don't like someone because of petty reasons. But then I realise what I am doing, and so instead, I turn myself around and make me stand behind that person's point of view. And what I see is someone trying their best to live their life so that they would have mattered, and that they would be loved. I see it, and that softens my heart and I am open again. Open to be able to see the true being that they are, to be able to see their best. And it is this love which makes me want to inspire. Which probably means to help others see in the way that I have learnt to, with a mind widened and a heart which embraces.

  Do you see how we've have been put into boxes? Especially if we never realised. Box after box we are placed in, with the smallest one -before the soul curls up and try to fit, with no room to stretch- being what we perceive to be 'me'. The no's society say, the closing off from all others, conventions. All built around us and enclose us into some claustrophobic space. And when we peep out through a pin-point, we see other boxes, but do not like what we see because they are not in the same space as us.

  Looking back, I see how I have, one by one, broken out of those boxes. The 'rights and wrongs', delusions created and blindly followed until now which most still follow and I look and wish they could see as I do. It's a process though, what I've been through. I've burst out from a box, only to realise after a while, that there is another box -albeit a larger one- which I am still in. And as I grow, that explodes too. And after each go, I am a little freer.

   Then I stand outside, like one might on the beach around sunset. I stare out at the scene, and maybe that scene is just made of little spots like the sand asleep around my feet. And I step backwards, so that I may take in a bit more of that glorious picture before me. For with every step, I see more.

It isn't the darkness which comes. It's the light which goes.
So hold on to the light. Hold on to the light and never let it go.
Burn, if you must. But radiate, my dear.

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