doodles in my journal, just to have a photo in this post :)
These days are busy busy busy and it's exhausting but I like it. Maybe I exaggerate a little, it's just that I have task after task to keep me constantly heading forward, one day at a time, and it's definitely better than a slow drag of nothingness.
I can't imagine why anyone would be interested in my daily life anymore, apart from those closest to me, but I felt like blogging and thought that I would. I have a few things to tell you about anyway.
I visited Wenkai in early August. My family made a trip down south despite my dad saying earlier that I wasn't allowed to travel anywhere because I hadn't gotten a job; which I thought was fair enough yet didn't stop me from being completely miserable because of it. I have a thing with places these days. I can't seem to stay in one place for too long because I notice the way the surroundings shape themselves so much more than I used to. Returning is fine, that constant moving is good for me because I get to see things at least slightly differently. And since getting to know him, I've noticed my perception of certain things change as well.
He drove me around his city, and we didn't always past by the places I'd been, but as I stared out the window from the passenger's seat, there were the occasional glimpses of familiarity. I realise that I don't fight against feelings so much anymore. I am more accepting in ways that only I could recognise, but then this came with a sense of lost. Where I once stood on firm ground of knowing where I thought I belonged shifted, and I found myself nowhere.
I guess I'll learn to get use to this constantly arising sense of lost and remind myself that we never eveer stay in one place so it's okay, we're just moving. I'd wanted to write more about my visit, but I guess this post worked out this way and what's relevant has been said so I'll leave this as it is for now. I can't put my whole life here anyway, and the actual experience always has so much more weight than words strung together. But I had a great time. I couldn't not have, it was with him.
x
Your comment about not fighting against feelings so much anymore, reminds me of how when I was a little girl I had a stiff bottom lip and would not let anyone see me cry. I did not cry if I was spanked (this was in the 1990s before spanking become so taboo, and physical punishment was still the norm), I did not cry at sad movies, and I was in the bad habit of mocking anyone that was prone to blubbering tears. Perhaps my punishment for that is that now I find myself crying so easily over anything, even commercials, but it is not usually because I am upset, but rather just touched, I think that I feel things deeper than I ever did before, and in the end, that's not such a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your thoughtful comment on my blog, I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts with me, and I'm so happy I can inspire you. You're definitely not alone, not only do we get absorbed into our lives, but we forget or fail to realize that while we may not change the world, we can all change the world for another, and after that, why not another, and one more, and so on?
Hope you have a lovely weekend. <3