That silence has also been affected by wave-crashing-like belief that came over me; that 'knowledge speaks but wisdom is silent'. Which is so true. And here I'm also letting you in to know that I've been bathing myself with the words of those who truly know how to live, and things like these would just sound pretty weird if they weren't disguised as poetry or pictures or inspiration before they were shared. As for why I sometimes choose to just revel in life itself is because there are some moments and some scenes that would just feel horribly reduced if you were to put frames around them and seal them with a mechanical gadget and a few pixels. Maybe it's lucky in a way that these moments are rare, because I do shoot most of the time.
Speaking about photographs, if you've been following me for a while, you might have noticed that my photos are a lot better? Well, if you haven't, never mind. But I have. I've just been so absorbed in learning so much and putting them into creation that when I go back to older folders and scroll past my earlier photos, I just go, 'Whoa. These are total crap!' and would then feel so embarrassed for having shared them all over the place. And when this happens, I would just want to go in a corner, curl up in the ball and cry my eyes out to disappear. My room then feels too claustrophobic, my bottom aches from sitting on the chair in front of the laptop for too long, and the world and the future seems too intimidating.
To which I then go back to understanding. I used to believe for a very very long time that the very most important thing in the world was trust, but now I think I've changed my mind and say that it's understanding. And when I say this, I mean the kind that is similar to knowledge, but more, for this enwraps the whole universe and flows with the warmth of kindness. And happiness. And love. Not (just) love in that romantic way in which so damn many people interpret this quad-lettered word as, but love that is harmony, being in alignment with the frequencies in which the energies within the atoms of our bodies as well as our thoughts vibrate.
I've also learnt to put learning as the utmost priority in my life, so that every time I'm 'just not in the mood' or something, I would like to remind myself that I am here to learn. Yes, to learn and perhaps not very much more.
Which was what I did. When small me put a magnifying glass in place of the windshield so to make things appear as if they were looming up upon me, this eager heart which strived to learn took over the wheel. The journey is a lot more pleasant then.
I think it would be lovely if I could constantly remind myself that things I see are what I've chosen to see, whether out of habit or deliberately, and that it is always in my own control to flip my thoughts over, making sure that it's the side of things which I want to see. For all we have and perceive of the world are through are senses, thus everything is relative to another and nothing is truly fixed. Which is why I believe that one of the best things I've always been is keeping my mind wide open for I learn and see things most people don't even bother trying to see.
One really strong thing I've learnt, one which truly hits me and takes over my whole life, is that feeling good and happiness are of crucial importance. I remember going over this suggestion a few years back or maybe even a few months, and thinking, 'Yeah, it seems nice. But it isn't practical, and in a way, isn't it rather superficial?' And what I've found out is how. very. wrong. I. had. been! Let me show it to you. See, everything you do (or even think you should do) and everything you want or already have which you appreciate as much as life itself, is because they make you feel good. Or by seeing them in your possession in some future or in dreams, is also because you believe that owning those would make you happier than you are right now. However, most people choose to wallow in sufferings in the present moment. This is because they haven't realised the rather simple yet goes unnoticed understanding in which I have just presented. If what you want is because you think would make you feel good, why not take a shortcut and just go ahead and feel good right now?
I won't be able to explain all which I have collected over the time of about four years by now, but I would suggest that you go and explore books about 'the law of attraction' and those of its likeness. Many inspirational mentors talk about those, but do remember that those are guides and you yourself would need to get to those 'places' (meaning mental places, not physical here).
It is perfectly reasonable to want to obtain material goods and those in which we as humans want, but what we need to know is that it isn't those things we are really after, but the growth and feelings in which we gain through those processes. Knowing this, isn't it understandable that happiness would be such a wonderful prioritisation?
Anyway, it's almost half-past three in the morning now. My chocolate has melted and I scooped it out using my fingers, making them all sticky. Maybe it was because of the heat from my external hard drive. But yes, I should really get some sleep already -something which I guess I should have done sooner. Goodnight, my loves.
x
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